What does a ‘boundary’ look like?
essentially it is the physical and psychological space around a person that enables that person to feel safe and not intruded upon.
To look at this another way…one person might keep their distance from others. Their boundaries may be more rigid. They may be labelled avoidant.
Another person might have more ‘wobbly’ boundaries. They might overshare on first meeting someone, or allow others to invade their space. They might say yes to requests from others without thinking of their own needs. They might be anxiously attached.
For some, maintaining firm boundaries can be very hard. They might find it difficult to say no, to be assertive in a kind way and to be firm. To be able to do this involves a good degree of self care. But this is actually healthy and sensible too…if you can’t look after yourself, how can you look after each other?
in Couple Relationships one couple might be joined at the hip and enmeshed. To this couple, the world out there seems unsafe, so they form a bubble around themselves for protection. There is often a mutual understanding of which aspects of the world are safe and which are forbidden. But if something happens to intrude upon their carefully curated joint system it can be hard to cope with.
Sometimes couples find it hard to form a couple identity which can include others when the need arises, but can say no when life gets too overwhelming. If a couple can’t manage this then life can become chaotic, and safe boundaries may collapse. Intrusive or interfering families come into this category.
I have only touched on a very complex subject which often comes up in couple and individual therapy. To explore further I recommend:
Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin. Anne Katherine Fireside Parkside Books 1991
Set Boundaries Find Peace. Nedra Glover Tawwab Piatkus 2021